Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
