Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
