His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
