I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
