I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
