Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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