After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
