someone threw a dead crab at me
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
