i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
