i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
