What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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