just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
