i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i love accidental penises.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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