remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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