like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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