In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
