ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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