Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
