WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
