You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He has the fingertips of a God
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