so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
