The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
