I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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