So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
And then he peed in my hair
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