I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
