There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
