You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
