And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
