yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
