We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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