Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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