At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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