Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
