Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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