All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
