I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
