She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
