You're so nebulous sometimes
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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