Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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