Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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