He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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