YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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