She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
