Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
