Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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