Can i not drive my cunt home
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
