Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
