So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
