My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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