I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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