How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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