I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
