remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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