When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
