Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Randomize
