Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
