Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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