if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
