We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
