it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
