I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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