I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize