i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
