i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
