Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
