It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
