Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Sorry about my life...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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