I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
