its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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