Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
