best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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