I just pynch a tree in the face
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We are two peas in an std pod
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
