can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I forgot wine drunk hurts
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
